To get a seperate network stack per jail you need to wait for the VIMAGE work to be production ready (a lot of code is already in 9‑current).
I know about send-/recvspace, and that it is auto-tuning (in linux this seems to be a fixed interface specific setting, while in FreeBSD it is a global option but auto-adapting).
The size of driver buffers is what this posting is about, and I have confirmation that it is not configurable. Making it configurable at run-time is a major task (some Intel drivers are already prepared as they share code with the Linux driver), I was told. Making it a boot-time tunable could be feasible, but our “NIC guru” does not know how much free time he can invest into this. He wants to take care about this at least in new drivers he develops.